Friday, April 24, 2009

Black men (upway to finish) first

We are the black
spots on the backside
of a ladybug built of ancient
stock landing

offside walls crawling
upway (rest complete)
Ascend obstacles made faux

by wing-decay I accept
this weight that was bestowed
on me from above the clouds

Wander nomadically
lost (arise again
at the start) wander

to and through a stolen
nest First to be secondclassed purposely
made the blacksheep

with matching attributes
Ghettogrins paired by liquored
chickengreased lips of full

potential Complacent
by way of (misguided clout) evolve
roots by tree whispers and grow

upway then walk now
run The pre\era shouts
for our black spots
to smooth white rocks

to fresh asphalted
journeys of
imminent upway climbing

My poet-self said this morning:

“Wipe the sleep out of your eyes, and go! Live every day before there are none left. Just detour around the bureaucracy –never look back. Oh, and smile daily!”

Monday, April 20, 2009

Are you kidding me...

Are you kidding me…?

I am sure I am not the only person that watched the 2009 Miss USA pageant last night. The show was great until the Q & A portion when the absolutely stunning Miss California was asked a question by the infamous, Perez Hilton; he asked her about same-sex marriage and should other states, like Vermont legalize it. Now, I will admit that I am no scholar on pageant answering, but I do know that alienating a sizable amount of America, and the world, for that matter is not appropriate.

WOW! She really went there.

I understand how she feels, and completely respect her bravery, as I am from a town build on church and football. I just feel that the priority of Miss USA is to be as inclusive as possible, and I honestly do not know what LGBT people are going to want to work with her after that. It is safe to say at this point that there will be protests, and at the very least tons of publicity to follow.

It is my personal opinion that the sanctity of marriage has been gone, along with the family structure, etiquette, self-respect and a whole mess of other things the church tries to throw into the faces of anyone that is supportive or tolerant of same-sex marriage. Truth is, America still has a hell of a long way to go before it can be said that we are a free, accepting and equal country. I mean, people are still being murdered in Texas for being Black! Come on people, whatever your personal belief is, that is fine! Stick to them, no one is asking you to change them – the fact is –intolerance kills.

The bible says,” The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” (NLT, Proverbs 18:21), so many of us often forget the power God has bestowed upon us, our words have power. I was just reading a friend’s blog and was stunned to read that an 11-year old boy committed suicide for being accused of being gay and the consistent bullying he underwent. Miss California is not responsible for young Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover’s death, but the message of exclusion she supports is. The words that she spoke on stage last night, could have been the breaking point for someone else in the world – we do not know.

2009 has been coined a year of change, and I am optimistic with the reign of Obama, but this is a baby step in the direction we need to be headed. I am confident that he will act as an apt guide. We progressive folk must not be fooled, there is still an abundance of people that think the way Miss California does, and they too, hide behind pageant hair, veneers and a bright white sash. We must not give the opposition anything to use against us. We must begin to support each other. Stand strong for progress, change, hope, reform and what you believe in. If we do not work for the world we want, we will be left with what they want.

This guy I hooked up with named, John Wieners , said to me:

“I’m infused with the day/ even tho the day may destroy me.
I’m out in it./ Placating it. Saving myself/ from the demons
who sit in blue
coats, carping
at us across the

(This blog entry is dedicated to the memory of Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover and his family. May God be with you all. Rest well Carl.)

Saturday, April 11, 2009

A letter to the Dearest Self—

I awoke this morning with you wrapped
in my heart, caressing my toes with down
and tickling my senses with sweet morning
breathe. Yellow ash knocks on my windows
beckoning me to leave the comfort
of dependency. Love settled on my cheeks
while hate matured in my stomach.

I am the you I should love
unconditionally for eternity
without secrets whispering
sublunar chants of promise.

Conspiratorious soul left me dumb
behind the falling in extravagant fancy
for another. I am the I I ought not
dispose to nothing for the halflove
of him.

A promise I made to myself:
Dear self be uninhibited
be weightless to float
like an empty Key Food
grocery bag in the air
passing stoop by stoop
by stoop

My good friend, Alice Walker, offered some advice by saying;

“Wish for nothing larger
Than your own small heart
Or greater than a star;
Tame wild disappointment
With caress unmoved and cold
Make of it a parka
For your soul.”

Friday, April 10, 2009

Leaving the Outhouse

Changing plans is sometime the easiest hard thing to do. When a person decides they are done with a mediocre life that had surrounded them, the only thing to do is be drastic. Now, in my book, drastic and dramatic are twins! Being from Texas – you are raised on the philosophy: “GO BIG, OR GO HOME!” Well, I always go big; but this past weekend, I was able to do both, I went home…which was perfect, but I was also able to go BIG.

Seeing my family, the baby, and just being under the Texas sky were like an airbag to the face, I feel like I was able to see clearly, as well as have a little bit of Southern sense knocked into me.

Having been in New York for the past three years, and living life – you sometime get caught up in the drama of a situation – or think that it comes with the territory. Fuck that… New York is and will always be New York, but I’m out! Officially throwing the deuces!

I came to here to get my graduate degree, and now I’m done… too bad the recession came, and turned the New York job market into a citywide outhouse! No jobs anywhere! The already saturated job market is even shittier because all of the once-working professionals that were laid off are now looking to get back in on the job action. So for a new graduate like me and so many of my friends – it is virtually impossible to even get an interview.

I have been asking myself since May 2008 why stay in a city where 1) there are not “real” jobs, 2) your current job doesn’t want to offer full-time and consistently sends you home early (totally jacking up your money) and 3) is overrated? You know…I made up reasons to trick myself into staying, until now… there is no reason to stay…point blank….period. Not when I have a loving, amazingly-supportive family, a great home state, and a job market that is thriving.

I must say I will miss all of the remarkable people I was blessed enough to call friends when I lived here… this is by no means a goodbye, but a “I gotta go make my money” break. I will obviously, be back to visit, or possibly to move back when the timing is better, and there are actual jobs available.

My boo, E.E. Cummings, told me just the other day:

“I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.”

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


I woke up this morning smiling, and overzealous – I’m on my way back to the glorious state of Texas, to visit my family, and properly welcome my niece into the world. It has been too long since I have been home, almost two years. The thing that I appreciate about family is they are always renewing their love for you. The love never leaves, but when you have been away for a while, the love it transformed into something new. Something stronger. I like to think of it as having a love recycling plant inside your body, lol.

Can’t wait to watch strange Anime movies and giggle with my brother, Richard – gossip with my mother, Marilyn, and other women from church…Momma Howard. Be silly with my Aunt Glo. Talk about being a mother with my sister-in-law, Lori. Family is the best thing of earth; I mean, even the wildest of animals have families. I personally do not understand how some people voluntarily chose to go through life without their family. Of course, every family has fallings out…where you hate each other sometime, but you get over it! Because as the clichéd saying goes, “Blood is thicker than water!”

My family gives me passion. They have taught me what real, unconditioned love really is. They have taught me drama, laughter, respect and the ability to smile. Passion is a tricky thing; I think that passion is something you learn early. My mother has always supported every crazy thing that I do. She allows me the passion to want to go to school forever, lol, the passion to freely love and give love – passion gives me goose bumps. It quickens the heartbeat, makes the hands slightly sweaty, and makes your smile dance…

Now, obviously there is more than one type of passion. For all the nasties, there is the passion that makes you rip your clothes off in the stairwell, or shake a little harder in the club, lol. There is the passion I was speaking of above, a dedication – enthusiasm, a commitment to life, and happiness.

I have so much passion inside me that I wish at times I could rent it out, and made a few coins. There are so many things that I am passionate about – love, sleeping, smiling, family, writing, poetry, food, faith and being happy to name a few.

(Interjection: I’m writing this at the airport while waiting to board… why is that the most dreary, tired ass people always fly with you… I look at these people going to Houston, and I just think: it is no reason I moved to New York. Ugh, they ALL look a mess!) Sorry, back to passion…

Passion, like love is also recyclable, things that I was passionate about in middle school (i.e. tetherball), or in my undergrad (i.e. graduating) are not longer the focus of my passion chart. I was able to retire those, and recycle my passion to bigger things (i.e. finding a real job or loving my niece). My once lover, Oscar Wilde used to always tell me:

“Nothing is serious except passion.”

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Tickle me with hope

When the one you love most in the world has left, and you remain with a spirit of consumption—a consuming fire that wants nothing, but to fix what is broken – a consuming cold that chills to the core with a dark emptiness.

When nothing is left for you in the place you call home, how do you gather strength to stay? Is hope enough? One as myself would trust it is. I believe that hope is the foundation to living. Without hope – there is no reason to go on. I like to think that love and hope are synonymous.

I hope life tickles me soon. I want something to jolt
me into a new existence, something bold like a personal 9/11 or the birth
of a child. (Welcome
to the world Mya Lynn) I am ready to take the shark by the fin,
diving to the unknown.

My friend, John Milton told me the other day,

"Receive thy new possessor, one who brings
A mind not to be changed by place or time!
The mind is its own place and in itself
Can made a Heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven"

Thursday, April 2, 2009

The unsuspected dreary, death-like day…

How does a person who has everything they need, and a large majority of the things they want—have a day that feels like death?

Everyone has those days when you wake up, and it feels like the entire world took a gigantic crap on your chin. All you want to do is stay in bed holding on to your pillow, and hope the feeling goes away. Nevertheless, of course, it does not. It loiters around, and consumes you in a soundless battle.

Now, you rack your brain all day trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with you…to no avail. You call your closest friends and see if this interaction will snap you back into the present, however, after getting off the phone from a rather dry and forced conversation you feel slightly worst than before.

You try opening the blinds, but it is too bright, so you close them back. What about having a cigarette to calm the nerves, this only makes you queasy because you did not want it in the first place. Now your head is spinning, lol, and you make a mental note to stop smoking. Wait, but there is TV because you know someone out there in “reality” is having a worst day than you – this only pisses you off because you want to know how the stupidest people end up on TV.

You are just about to drop a tear when realize you have not had a bite to eat. After taking a few bites of Ramen noodles with bits of potato, you remember you need to go to the gym. Forget that…as Scarlett O’Hara says, “I’ll think about that tomorrow.” Before you know it an entire day is wasted, and you still do not know what is wrong with you.

Who knows where these dreary days come from? Perhaps it is just a looming spirit renting your body for the day. Whatever it is, I do know that they help to make the good days better…they help to make one more appreciative of the normal days. My good friend, Fernando Pessoa reminds me,

"Just let me out so I can by with myself.
I want to breathe the air in private.
My heart doesn’t throb collectively,
And I’m unable to feel in jointly held society.
I’m only I, born only as I am, full of nothing but me."