Thursday, April 2, 2009

The unsuspected dreary, death-like day…

How does a person who has everything they need, and a large majority of the things they want—have a day that feels like death?

Everyone has those days when you wake up, and it feels like the entire world took a gigantic crap on your chin. All you want to do is stay in bed holding on to your pillow, and hope the feeling goes away. Nevertheless, of course, it does not. It loiters around, and consumes you in a soundless battle.

Now, you rack your brain all day trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with you…to no avail. You call your closest friends and see if this interaction will snap you back into the present, however, after getting off the phone from a rather dry and forced conversation you feel slightly worst than before.

You try opening the blinds, but it is too bright, so you close them back. What about having a cigarette to calm the nerves, this only makes you queasy because you did not want it in the first place. Now your head is spinning, lol, and you make a mental note to stop smoking. Wait, but there is TV because you know someone out there in “reality” is having a worst day than you – this only pisses you off because you want to know how the stupidest people end up on TV.

You are just about to drop a tear when realize you have not had a bite to eat. After taking a few bites of Ramen noodles with bits of potato, you remember you need to go to the gym. Forget that…as Scarlett O’Hara says, “I’ll think about that tomorrow.” Before you know it an entire day is wasted, and you still do not know what is wrong with you.


Who knows where these dreary days come from? Perhaps it is just a looming spirit renting your body for the day. Whatever it is, I do know that they help to make the good days better…they help to make one more appreciative of the normal days. My good friend, Fernando Pessoa reminds me,

"Just let me out so I can by with myself.
I want to breathe the air in private.
My heart doesn’t throb collectively,
And I’m unable to feel in jointly held society.
I’m only I, born only as I am, full of nothing but me."

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